Who doesn’t like Tootsie Rolls?

Danny asked me: “What does a 15-year-old boy want on his birthday cake?”
I answered with a question: “A 16-year-old girl?”

Standing outside a Dairy Queen about to order his nephew’s cake, this was not the answer he was looking for. He texted me again. “What should I have them put on his cake?”

I find it funny that because I’m a writer, I get calls like this often. What to put on cakes, what to say in a classified ad, what to mention in a letter. If it’s words, I’m the go-to girl. And that’s usually OK. I do what I must to help who I can. But birthday cake messages are not my forte. It’s hard to be witty, flowery and meaningful in the space between candles.

He wanted something for the boy that wasn’t dinosaurs and choo-choo trains, but wasn’t Playmates and Jack Daniels either. Something sarcastic and charming to match a 15-year-old’s personality.

I tried a different approach. “How about, ‘Happy Birthday Don’t Have Sex’?”

I could feel his exasperation through his fingertips.

“You’re not helping,” he texted.

“I know,” I type back. “I suck at cake messages.”

Of course, this finally gives him an idea. So Austin will have an ice cream cake that says “You still suck” on it. I suggested he add a Tootsie Roll pop in the middle.

And speaking of Tootsie Rolls, while looking up “cake messages teenage boy” on Google without success, I found an interesting birthday cake recipe. It sounds really yummy, although I’m not sure how many people would dare try it to find out.

If you make it, save me a bite!
KITTY LITTER CAKE

INGREDIENTS:
1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls

SERVING “DISHES AND UTENSILS”
1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

INSTRUCTIONS:
Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan.
Prepare pudding and chill.
Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor.
Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.
When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy.
Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.
Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls.
Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture.
Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.
Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box.
Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box.
Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy!

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